...

So our neighbors had an Australian Shepherd/Border Collie mix that was too big and too rambunctious for their yard and lifestyle (just a little bit of research could have prevented this!). My boyfriend and I sort of became surrogate parents, and would take him on walks and teach him what obedience we could, loved him and threw the ball for him. Our neighbors appreciated this, as it made him a calmer dog around their six-year old.

Now they're getting a divorce, and the dog has to go. We made arrangements for our friend to take him, who's been wanting a dog. Everything's fine and dandy, right?

Except for all the emotional baggage and quirks the neighbors didn't tell us. Aparently, the dog has 'something against blondes'. Would have been nice if he would have told our BLONDE friend that before she drove off with him; he's tried to jump at her three times already in his new home. He goes nuts when anyone gives him affection of any kind, and the whole first night he was in his new place with his new owner he wouldn't stop barking, and now she's facing possible eviction.

I'm awaiting more news. Supposedly she was going to tell neighbor he either has to take the dog back or its going to the pound. My boyfriend doesn't think there's much hope for rehabilitation, because he's a mix, because he's already three years old, and because he's not the most intelligent of dogs. I, who have always harbored a love of the underdog and a sometimes painful optimism about such things, am adament that with the right training, he could be a wonderful pet. It's not my decision, though. I'll be getting my own dog soon (just have to wait to put this house in order before I can bring her home), and I have to put my attentions towards her, but in a way I feel like I'm betraying neighbor's dog. We've done so much with him, and he's shown so much love in return. He always looks for us and when we come home he watches us and wags his tail (and goes into a crazy barking frenzy when we don't come over to say hello). Now, I know I wouldn't be the right owner for him, but that optimistic part of me says that someone, somewhere, could make him very happy. We'll just have to see what happens. He's running out of chances.

yipe!

So there were some ideas that have been waffling around in my head for a while, the kind of ideas where you think "that's interesting, but I'll put more thought into it later, since it's a ways off."

Well, all of a sudden one of those far-off considerations became an immediate concern, if I were going to do it.

When I first heard of it being a short-term possiblity, I was ecstatic, deliriously happy. The next day I was afraid. All the what-ifs began presenting themselves. But I'll do research, I have time for that, and if everything checks out, then all systems go. Life is too short to be spent in fear. One must risk in order to truly experience.

I look at myself today and wonder back, and sometimes I am proud that I have grown and matured, but there are still times in which I feel like a child playing adult games. I don't really know the rules yet, so I do what I can, what I think is right, ask when I get truly flustered, and hope I don't land on a "BACK TO START" square.

This 'idea' is one of those latter instances. It's something I so depserately WANT, but I wonder if it is something I'm ABLE to do, since it's another step up the child-to-adult ladder, and I'm afraid the rung has rotted through and will break.

Of course, maybe it's just the difference between before and after. Maybe I just don't think I can do something until I realize I've already done it? The psyche is a strange and sometimes disturbing place.

brain went where?

I have this wonderful ability to organize seperate storylines in my head and keep them straight. I am currently reading 3 books (fantasy, biography, and romance) while editing a fourth (fantasy of my own invention). I can set one down and two minutes pick up another and not be confused at all.

Wish I could just move that outside of my head, and actually into my life.

I've been so disorganized [my whole life] that it's really getting to be a problem. In the past it was a nuisance and I could usually patch something up last minute, sometimes to amazing results that surprised myself, but usually just enough to get by. I'm finding that Real Life doesn't quite work like that, and my original tactics are far outdated. I've done some things in the way of getting back on track, but not enough. I actually have to put the forms and statements and whatnot INTO the folders. Life will not automatically allign itself into neat piles just because I bought a few folios and a tub. A nice green tub. Still no magically flying papers.

And in this attempt to mold and bend and reshape a stubborn part of my character, I need distraction, to keep sane. Or keep from going sane. "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!" (on a bumper sticker somewhere). The storylines I am currently involving myself with in my (limited) free time;

His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman
I actually just finished The Golden Compass, the first book in the series. It's been quite a while since I've been so drawn in by a book! Pullman's style of writing is realistically descriptive, and his characters seem almost tangible. I espcially liked Iorek Byrnison and the whole idea of the Althiometer. I will soon be embarking on The Subtle Knife and I can't wait!

Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World's Worst Dog by John Grogan
Anyone who's ever had and loved a dog will connect with this book. John Grogan recounts the life of his big, lumbering lab, with enough energy and love to fuel an army of hummers.

Gone to the Dogs By Emily Carmichael
A romance about a bombshell blonde forced to live out the pentance of her previous, wild life in the form of a Pembroke Welsh Corgi named Piggy; therapy dog and matchmaker. I especially love the bits from 'Piggy's' point of view. :-)

Zanadie by Me!
A simple fantasy story about a girl going on a journey to help a friend and discover herself. Needs much editing. Is currently getting much editing. To be quite honest, seeing the red pen makes me feel good about it, like it's actually getting somewhere. Once I'm able to fill in the plot caverns, I'll let other people Red-Pen it. I just don't want them falling into a literary crevasse.

And now I think I'll go and try to organize ... I've just collected myself a nice little pile. Little piles make me feel good, especially if they have somewhere to go. :-)

Brrrg.

The weather here is not nice. It was getting all nice and warm and I was looking forward to wearing some of the nice collection of sundresses I have. Then boom. it's cold again. I'm sitting here with a sweater, jacket, and two wrist warmers on (I knotted them myself! One is made from fuzzy white Pattons' Divine, and the other is a collection of yellow, orange, and blue-with-squiggles yarn I had lying around.

I really should knit a matching pair at somepoint. Do I keep forgetting I have two wrists instead of one?

I actually just knitted another using DPNs and seed stitch with some yarn from my Mom. It's a gorgeous turqoise color, and is nice and toasty! :-D I bound it off too tightly, however, and it doesn't quite fit. Must work on that. And then make another to match. Because I have two wrists. (must remember that).

I'm still working on my sweater. Finished the sleeves, but they're one inch too long! Have to tear out and finish them, then it's block/seam sew and add the collar. Yay! Sweater!

why is it ...

you can't get sleep before the days you've got the most stuff going on? I'm exhausted, but I'm just getting ready for work and a non-stop weekend. O bed, why do you torture me so? You are so warm and cozy and inviting, but I have found no comfort in you.

Maybe I should try sleeping in my car ... the sound of rain might lull me to sleep ... Hmmm ....