Sunday, March 04, 2007

world, here I come *gulp*

So I have a little more than a week until I graduate. I have a job all lined up, I'll be calling tomorrow to find out when exactly they want me there. I'm getting really really excited and at the same time really really nervous.

Why does it seem that midnight is the best time dwell on one's insecurities and the greater obstacles of life? Huh.

One of my biggest hangups still is details. I have been trying very very *very* hard to get over this, but it seems to be a deeply rooted part of me that just can't get it. Whether it's just inexperience that I'll overcome with time, or something that will forever hinder me, I don't know at this point, but I'll groom and snip and brush and snip some more FAR longer than I would like until I cannot see or find anything, call the instructor over, and invaribly have something I need to fix. The instructors assure me that I'm fine, I'm being too hard on myself, that experience will change this, but knowing me and my past, I guess I'm not ready to tell myself to 'let it go' quite yet. Tomorrow I'll go in with the singular goal of getting my dogs groomed on time and checked ONCE before they go.

I find I've been gravitating towards my more spiritual side. I've been so lax these past few months, trying just to make it from one day to the next, and now I find myself saying little prayers to the gods and trying to imbue the calmness of Buddhist teachings in my everyday life to help me transition from part time student to full time adult. I have yet to break out my Yoga DVD or do some serious meditation, but it will come. I feel like I'm such a disctractable, flighty person at times and need something to really ground me.

Due to a blast of insight from a weapon known to some as a 'clue gun' I have decided to go back and polish up "Zanadie" for publication before "Alchemist's Child", as it was pointed out that an unknown author would have better luck with a standalone novel than a trilogy. Yeah, I'm a novice, could you tell? ;-) Still going to edit Alechemist, as well as work on the sequal, but for this month (National Novel Editing Month) I'll be putting my focus back on Zanadie.

It's so interesting visiting this work after having set it down for nearly a year, especially when the main character ends up with a rather sizable role in Alchemist. It's wonderful to see how her character changed and matured in the two books, and going back I'm seeing how I can better accentuate this. I've realized that I never gave her an age, so now I have the joy of figuring out timelines (numbers! math! evil!!!).

Kire's zonked out behind me on the chair. She's gotten in the habit of standing ON TOP of the BACK of the chair and putting her feet on my shoulders, and then just standing there, as if reading the laptop computer screen from her perch. Such a cat, except that she's not. :-p My friend described her as a "cat, mixed with a deer, that is somehow a dog". I can't really disagree. I took her to PetSmart today to get food, and she was really well behaved. :-)

Anyway, I think I'm through divulging my demons and angels for the night. Take care, everyone!

~Gyda (and the comatose catdogdeer)


At 11:10 AM , Blogger Connor said...

Hey Caitlin,

Everything I've heard since moving out here has said that your *best* work will give you an edge, regardless of whether it stands alone or not. I hope you're working on whatever excites you the most, since that's the work you'll end up putting the most energy into in the end. (Just a friendly thought).

Tried to call you on Saturday and Sunday, but your phone wasn't working. :(

Anyway, I'm sure you'll work out "details" with work and experience, and I'm proud of you for all the work you've done already.

At 4:18 AM , Blogger Gyda Song said...

bah, sorry about the phone! It can be a little wonky at times :-p

At this point I'm sort of working on both, and they both excite me. :-)


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